By Jo Thomas of the New York Times

MCVEIGH LETTERS TO FAMILY ARE PORTRAIT OF ANGER AND ALIENATION
Previously undisclosed letters by Timothy McVeigh to his younger sister before the bombing of the federal building in Oklahoma City portray him as deeply frustrated and at one point suicidal over his inability to confide the extent of his anti-government activities to his family.

McVeigh’s letters, along with conversations at home, revealed so much anger and alienation that when the bomb exploded on April 19, 1995, eventually killing 168 people and wounding 850, his family suspected him almost immediately, they later told the FBI.

His sister, Jennifer McVeigh, told investigators she had an "eerie feeling" he was involved. His father, William McVeigh, said he had worried that his son would do something to get himself in serious trouble and added that his ex-wife, McVeigh’s mother, thought her son "did the bombing."

In a letter to Jennifer, written on Oct. 20, 1993, McVeigh said he was tormented by not being able to "tell it all" about his "lawless behavior and attitude." He did not elaborate.

At one point, he wrote, he had gone to the house of their grandfather, who has since died, and considered killing himself there.

"I have an urgent need for someone in the family to understand me," McVeigh told his sister. "I will tell you, and only you."

The letters and summaries of interviews by investigators were obtained by The New York Times. They provide new insights into McVeigh, who committed the deadliest act of terrorism on U.S. soil. The material was never presented at his trial.

Interviews conducted by the FBI after the bombing show that members of the McVeigh family differed in their beliefs about what sparked that hatred. But they agreed it began before the raid that ended with the deaths of the Branch Davidians at their complex near Waco, Texas, on April 19, 1993 -- an event that clearly exacerbated his feelings.

It was McVeigh’s desire to avenge those deaths and start a popular uprising against the government that led to the bombing conspiracy, according to testimony at the trial last year in which McVeigh was convicted and sentenced to death.

McVeigh’s real troubles may have begun over money, his father said. In February 1993, the Department of Defense informed Timothy McVeigh that he had been overpaid $1,058 while in the Army and asked for repayment. The episode enraged the him.

But Jennifer McVeigh, who was her brother’s confidante, thought the breaking point came earlier, in 1991, at Fort Bragg, N.C., where he was an unsuccessful candidate for the Special Forces. Army records show that McVeigh dropped out of the program after saying he could not meet the physical demands.

The answer, he wrote, lay in what he learned at Fort Bragg, where he and the nine others were told they might be ordered to help the CIA "fly drugs into the U.S. to fund many covert operations" and to "work hand-in-hand with civilian police agencies" as "government-paid assassins."

He wrote, "Do not spread this info, Jennifer, as you could (very honestly, seriously) endanger my life."

In a letter written on Christmas Eve of 1993, McVeigh hinted that he might be breaking the law, telling his sister she might need to "re-evaluate your definition(s) of good and bad."

"In the past," McVeigh wrote, "you would see the news and see a bank robbery, and judge him a ‘criminal.’ But, without getting too lengthy, the Federal Reserve and the banks are the real criminals, so where is the crime in getting even? I guess if I reflect, it’s sort of a Robin Hood thing, and our government is the evil king."

Miss McVeigh later told the FBI that her brother once told her he planned a bank robbery with others who carried it out and showed her the large stack of $100 bills he said was his share. She said he had given her three of the bills and asked her to give him $300 in smaller denominations.

Four months before the bombing, in a letter mailed from Caro, Mich., McVeigh, who was moving from place to place around the country, while keeping a mail drop in Kingman, Ariz., wrote his sister: "Of course you must realize, then, that I’m not living in Arizona. You know how hard it is to get into that deep of a lie with Dad? It’s painful, especially how you have to look so confident when telling stories (lies)."

"Why am I running?" he wrote. "I am trying to keep my path ‘cool,’ so in case someone is looking to ‘shut up someone who knows too much’ I will not be easy to find. I have also been working, and establishing a ‘network’ of friends so that if someone does start looking for me, I will know ahead of time and be warned."

"If that ‘tip’ ever comes, (I have ‘ears’ all over the country) that’s when I disappear, or go completely underground," he wrote. "Believe me, if that necessity ever comes to pass, it will be very difficult for anyone to find me."

Despite all his claims of making such elaborate arrangements, McVeigh was arrested shortly after the bombing by an Oklahoma highway patrolman who saw that his car had no license plate.

McVeigh’s father said he was not surprised when the FBI told him of his son’s arrest two days after the bombing. He said he and his son were at "opposite ends politically," and that his son was obsessed with the deaths of the Branch Davidians.

William McVeigh portrayed his son as a bright person who, as a boy, could never quite succeed either in school or at sports. As an adult, his father said, Timothy McVeigh bounced from job to job because he could not stand pressure, could not take orders and could not handle the responsibilities of day-to-day work. His father said his troubles really began when the government asked him to pay back the extra salary he had been paid by mistake.

Documents gathered during the bombing investigation show that a form letter from the Department of Defense Finance and Accounting Service was sent to McVeigh at his home in Lockport, N.Y., on Feb. 15, 1993, two years after he had left the Army after serving in the Persian Gulf War. The letter asked for the full $1,058 or a $50 installment within 30 days.

McVeigh, whose frugality was legendary among his friends, replied at the time: "I have received your notice informing me of my debt owed to you, as well as your threat of referring me to the Justice Department (Big Brother)."

He also said, "In all honesty, I cannot even dream of repaying you the $1,000 which you say I owe. In fact, I can barely afford my monthly rent.

"Assets? The only thing which I own of any value is my car, a 1987 Chevrolet/Geo Spectrum," he continued. "If you really want the car, go ahead and seize it," he wrote, adding, "My car is my only way to get to work; to support myself."

"But I guess that’s all irrelevant to you," he continued. "Go ahead, take everything I own; take my dignity. Feel good as you grow fat and rich at my expense; sucking my tax dollars and property, tax dollars which justify your existence and pay your federal salary. Do you get it yet? By doing your evil job, you put me out of work."