As ABC muddled its way through its month long "March Against Drugs" it became obvious that the network should have hired Ritter's daughter, too. At least she asked the question that no one else seems to have given any thought.

The network might have gotten a clue about their lack of clarity on the subject when they found themselves beginning their month of "Straight Talk On Drugs" with Ritter covering a major story about dozens of Massachusetts teenagers overdosing on stolen prescription muscle relaxers. Fortunately, none died, but it was great learning opportunity for all concerned. Let's hope the kids learned more than ABC apparently did.

It was one of those things that just couldn't happen. What is wrong with this picture?

• Most of the kids had been through their schools' D.A.R.E. program, but still they took unknown pills by the handful. (ABC never criticized D.A.R.E.)
• They were in a supervised party where no "drugs" were allowed, although the only "drug" that could easily be kept out was marijuana.
• It is unlikely that many of them – they were in their early teens - had ever used marijuana.

But, there is one more very ironic point that no one could have learned from any of the news coverage of that event: the drug that nearly killed the children, Baclofen, probably would not have been there to be stolen if marijuana were medically available. The reason is that – according to many MS patients and paraplegics with whom I have talked -- marijuana is a much more effective muscle relaxer than Baclofen.

Moreover, marijuana is much less debilitating, and obviously it is much safer, since there is no lethal dose of marijuana, even for small children. If the kids had smoked stolen medical marijuana, there would not have been any fear of them dying in their sleep. The side effects of Baclofen, other than potential for lethal over dose include "drowsiness, dizziness, weakness, fatigue, confusion, headache, insomnia, hypotension, nausea, constipation, urinary problems, rash, weight gain, nasal congestion." From Neurology Web Forum. Massachusetts General Hospital through Harvard.

But, oh, if it had been stolen medical marijuana…. The nation would have been called to arms. This would be cited as proof that making marijuana available for people with MS sends kids the message that it is harmless… just like Baclofen. Why shouldn't the kids have thought that Baclofen, being legal, must be harmless – or at least much safer than the marijuana against which they are constantly being warned? Legal equals harmless, right? Mom, Dad, explain that one.

The next problem with ABC's "Straight Talk" was pointed out by columnist Robert Scheer. It seem that the same advertising agency that did the promotion for its "March Against Drugs" is the agency for Budweiser, made by the largest brewer in the world and a major advertiser on ABC. Of course, ABC and the alcohol industry are against children using alcohol…. But, Budweiser has commercials with frogs that make Joe Camel look positively adult. And the ABC sports coverage of car racing had the ABC logo actually superimposed on the "BUD" logo whenever a camera mounted on the Budweiser sponsored car was on the air.

Certainly, ABC's coverage of underage drinking was no where near being proportionate to its relative magnitude in the ranking of the problem of "drugs" and kids in America. Scheer called this hypocritical, since beer commercials are a major source of revenue for the network. This view was reinforced by the way Chris Wallace on Prime Time Live (See Prime Time Live's "Junior High" Journalism) ducked the issue and resorted to reefer madness, whenever someone said that marijuana is safer than alcohol.

The alcohol industry should look at what is happening to the tobacco industry. The tobacco companies and their executives are not in trouble because they were selling products that everyone of semi-sound mind knows to be dangerous. They are in trouble for telling lies that no one of semi-sound mind ever believed. Alcohol is a very dangerous "drug." Behaviors associated with its abuse cause social and public health problems that dwarf those caused by illegal "drugs," and marijuana isn't even on the same scale.

Mom, Dad, please explain why making marijuana legal or even just available to people with MS means that marijuana is safe for children, but having cute frogs selling beer on television does not say the same thing about beer.

Further muddling the subject, ABC rightly gave some coverage to the problem of "inhalants" – industrial and household chemicals that are psychoactive when inhaled. One hopes that the kids were paying as much attention to the warnings as they were to the identification of the new ways to get "high." Those at the greatest risk, probably will not.

In any case, ABC did not seem to understand any better than anyone else that these chemicals even further complicated the subject. They are only "drugs" because of the way that they are used. Mom, Dad, why is it that making hemp legal sends the wrong message, when it cannot be used as a "drug," but having chemicals in the house does not say that they are harmless.

"Just Say No to Household Chemicals" does not have much of a "ring" to it. Of course, the problem is that these chemicals are so much more dangerous than marijuana that discouraging their use should be a much greater priority. Mom, Dad, how can things that I can buy at the grocery store be so dangerous?

marijuananews.com naturally focuses on ABC's coverage of marijuana, but in reality most of the time they were talking about "drugs" you were supposed to hear "marijuana." The reported increase in teen marijuana use was the spur for the series, and Chris Wallace even introduced the Prime Time Live segment on the purported dangers of marijuana by calling a scene of teens smoking marijuana "ground zero in America's growing drug problem." Marijuana use equals the "drug problem." Mom, Dad, if alcohol and tobacco kill over half a million Americans a year and marijuana hasn't been proven to have killed anyone, then why is marijuana use "ground zero for the drug problem?"

Further evidence of this "marijuana" = "drugs" was demonstrated in an interview with President Clinton in the White House about how he talked to his daughter about "drugs." ABC used this interview to close the series. This really was more than a little silly. Most fathers can't tell their children that their Secret Service bodyguards will report them to the Commander in Chief. But the only specific that Clinton had to offer was to say that marijuana is now "three to five times more toxic" than it was back when he famously did not inhale. As if to prove my point, immediately after this interview there was a commercial for an over-the-counter weight loss drug! Mom, Dad, why did you lie about marijuana on ABC? Well, at least that is one question most American parents don't have to worry about.

We can never have successful "drug education" or a successful "drug policy" if we cannot even define the word "drug." Worse, these programs will be actually counterproductive so long as we lie about marijuana and try to pretend that it is the "ground zero" of the misuse of chemicals in America.

"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in a rather scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean, neither more nor less." From Through the Looking Glass.

How appropriate. Mom, Dad, does Humpty Dumpty work for ABC?